my sisters under your porch take her home
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
