yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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