whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
