with your own penis?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
