Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
