Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
