giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
