It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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