That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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