That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
