I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
