turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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