you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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