I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
