There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
