If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
