Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
