well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
