Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
