I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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