she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize