We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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