Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
