Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
