By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My life is pants optional.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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