First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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