Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
