SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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