I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
