i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize