3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
