Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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