i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize