I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how can u be prego again
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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