she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
