He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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