Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize