Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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