it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
