i think my tv is drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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