It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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