Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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