Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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