Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
