tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
