he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
