May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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