Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
