I have demons in me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
