when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Did I show you my penis last night?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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