Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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