Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize