I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
