i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
