i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
