Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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