90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
