with your own penis?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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