did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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