too bad you live with your parents still
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
