just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
