just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
