Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
