my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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