So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
