i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
