I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
