okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
