i need an iv and a liver transplant
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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