FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
