i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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