my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's shark week go big or go home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
