WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
