he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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