About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
