still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
