my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
