is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
